|Okay, obviously I'm joking; but you have to admit, they're pretty clever, aren't they? Haha! I love the "throne up" part best!|
In about 11 hours I will be lying on a table having my husband's sperm injected straight into my uterus via a long catheter. This is not how I thought we'd conceive a child; but if it's the path we must take to get to that goal, then so be it. I'm not bitter, I'm blessed to live in a day and age where modern medicine can offer such assistance to people like us. I seriously thank GOD above for this opportunity.
I gave myself my last Bravelle FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) sub-q shot on Thursday. On Friday, I gave myself the Ovidrel HCG trigger shot (this induces ovulation); and tomorrow morning at 8 a.m. I have to be at my doctor's office with Mr. C's "contribution" in a sterile cup, ready to go. It all seems so surreal, but I know it will be worth it.
Sometimes God talks to me. I know, I know...that statement might make me sound like a crazy lady; but it's true. And I don't mean that in a metaphorical way either. I mean, I actually hear a voice - not out loud, but a strong voice in my head that usually gives very clear albeit very succinct instructions about my life.
The first time I heard it was not long after I had been raped in late 2005. I was completely outside of myself, and nobody knew what was going on with me. I remember bawling my eyes out and asking God out loud why this had happened to me. As I went praying through angry tears, I asked "when am I going to be feel normal again?" As though right in front of me, a clear voice said, "One year. You must give one year."
It startled me so much that I remember jumping up from the floor where I was sitting and shaking with adrenaline. It was that clear, that loud, that obvious.
One year later, in October of 2006, my Christian counselor told me at one of my bi-weekly meetings that I had been attending for about a year, that he thought I was doing so well that I didn't need him anymore and that he thought I needed to stand on my own two feet. Two weeks later, I met my husband, Mr. C at a friend's house - a truly incredible month, one year from when I had heard that promise in my head.
As we struggled to conceive through the years, I had asked God several times "when". When's it going to be our turn? One night while particularly upset and crying out to God, I asked the question again. This time I heard the voice again - "January". At the time I thought, "You've got to be kidding me?! January's forever a way; I don't want to wait that long!"
But wait I did. And after we decided to TTC after the adoption from Ethiopia failed, I found myself receiving the first real answer about why it had been such a tough road for us - my diagnosis of PCOS came in January of 2011. January.
If this IUI takes, our baby will be due in January of 2012. So, needless to say, I'm feeling nervous. Is this what God meant? Or is there more and more and more to travel through? I'm just trying to stay calm and keep my eyes focused up above.
I want to thank all of you who have reached out with support, good thoughts, and prayers to us during this struggle. It means SO MUCH to me! Seriously! If you have a chance tomorrow, please send up a prayer or good thoughts in our direction - we can certainly make use of them! THANK YOU in advance!
Fingers and Toes Crossed,