To Love a Rose: An Ethiopian Adoption Journal

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Negative Pregnancy Test #Bagillion = On to Med Cycle #3

This is what I saw this morning...14 DPO...the last vestige of hope:

(Note: this is not MY test/picture, but one I found on the Internet...but you get the point.)
It's what I see every month.  What I've been seeing every month since I stopped taking BCP's in July 2009.  I wish I could say that it gets easier, that somehow you become numb and don't feel it anymore; but it's just not true.  I feel it like a stab in the gut every.single.time.

To top it all off, I was so shocked, I totally snubbed Mr. C this morning, making him think I was angry at him, which is always a GREAT way to start out your morning at 7:20 a.m.  Fabulous.

So, we're on to med cycle #3. 

Things we're going to do different this time:

1. I'm going to get an HSG.  I honestly don't have the energy or mental fortitude to explain what an HSG is; but if you'd like to read more, just go here.  Essentially, it's a test to see if my fallopian tubes are open.  If they're not, Mr. C and I agreed that it's pretty pointless to go any further.

2. I might demand progesterone support; or a test to see why the Clomid works to stimulate follicles, but when I trigger my ovulation is crappy (as in, not good enough to support a pregnancy).

3. We might (and I mean "might") do IUI (intra-uteran insemination).  We've been told that since Mr. C doesn't have any real issues of his own that this might all be total bunk, but we're both running out of emotional energy and mental patience.  Our hearts can't take it anymore.  So, either it works soon; or we're calling it quits - for good.

Other than that, I have no clue what else could be done differently; but I think we both feel it's time to figure something out before we just keep going down a path that isn't really accomplishing anything.

So, that's the story, morning glory.  I'm off, but since I've been so open about our cycles, I thought I'd update this blog on how this cycle ended.

*m*

3 comments:

  1. I don't think most people understand how emotionally draining it is. You and I have been trying for a positive for about the same amount of time,(and am now on my 2ww), only they haven't started my meds yet. I continue to pray for you and Mr.C , and I hope that they find something, figure something out that can be another step in the right direction.

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  2. No, I don't think people can understand unless they've been in the same situation. It's so frustrating to feel as though your own body is deceiving you and doing what it wishes. It feels so unfair that other women just have to sleep with their husbands and they get pregnant. It seems like a cruel joke most of the time. The thing I hate most is how this process has at times broken me down. I was never like that, but now I struggle with day to day happiness. I refuse to let it steal my joy; but man, some days it's really hard!

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  3. I'm sure I don't have anything really helpful to say, but I'm still praying for your family and Baby C.

    I'm sorry I don't know how you feel or how you deal with the repeating disappointment, but I admire your honesty and openness. I think its a courageous of you to share this struggle in your life - I don't know that I could do the same.

    Continued prayers and wishing you both many blessings.
    ~Jen

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