I know to many people (especially those facing or who have faced infertility) it sounds strange to be worried about a bio pregnancy over-ruling an adoption; but to Mr. C and I, adoption is not a second-rate consolation prize. It's a way to build our family that we would have chosen whether or not we had ever faced IF. So, the thought of a pregnancy was incredibly bittersweet.
My cycles had been completely perfect, 28-day cycles ever since I completed my acupuncture and traditional Chinese medicine for PCOS last fall; so, you can imagine my surprise when I was LATE for my period this cycle! I waited a whole week before I POAS - it was negative, of course...
While I wasn't expecting it to be positive, there was something terrible about looking at that blank, stark-white space on the test. A flood of emotions came back to me; but surprisingly enough, I did not burst into hot, ugly tears the way I used to when we were actively TTC over a year ago (can you believe it's been that long already?!). Instead, I knew that no matter the outcome I was still going to be a mother...one way or another...and that was incredibly consoling.
Anyway, by some cruel joke of Mother Nature's, my period was 12 days late! Yeeeaaahhh. By the end, I had taken 2 pregnancy tests and was virtually losing my mind! I had very little cramping until the day before (when I KNEW AF was finally on her way); so, the entire (nearly) two weeks of waiting was nerve-wrecking to say the least.
I was imagining the angry back-lash from our agency if I had to tell them we were pregnant. For some reason, I was just certain they would be as upset as the parents of a girl from "16 and Pregnant" would be upon hearing such news. I'm not really sure why I thought this, other than our social worker, J, had warned us fairly sternly to NOT get preggo if we wanted this adoption to work out. So, I lived on eggshells analyzing every twitch and twinge my body made.
Finally, twelve days past day 28, AF arrived in all her cramping, anxiety-riddled glory. Again, slightly bittersweet; but mostly I just felt relief. I am SO looking forward to being Baby C's mommy...I cannot imagine our first born coming to us any other way now than via the heart (as opposed to the womb).
Hardly anyone knew of this little "fright"; but my dear friend C was privy to my worries. Today, I texted her simply "the red tide rolleth" with a smiley face. I know she felt a mixture of relief and pain for us...just as we felt for ourselves; but in all honesty I know I speak for both of us when I say we are more relieved than sad today. Truthfully. :-)
ALSO, I was really excited to use my new purchase:
|Diva Cup, Model #1 (pre-childbirth)|
That, my friends, is a Diva Cup menstrual cup. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's essentially a little, silicone "cup" that replaces a traditional tampon during your menstrual cycle.
The cotton in tampons (unless an all-natural brand) are subject to bleaching and all sorts of nasty chemicals that we women, in turn, place in our most delicate of places for long periods (no pun intended) of time. NOT good. Also, the amount of waste created by throwing these feminine products into the trash is immense, especially when looked at in the span of a woman's entire lifetime. A reusable menstrual cup like the Diva Cup is better for women AND the environment!
I'm not going to lie, it takes a bit of getting used to at first. The cup itself can fit in the palm of my hand (and I have small hands); so, it's not as intimidating as it sounds. The silicone it's made of is also incredibly soft and malleable. When inserting, you merely fold the cup in half (again, it's VERY pliable) and place it in as you would a tampon sans applicator. There is a very small stem attached to the bottom of the cup that helps in the insertion and removal process. Some women have said they snip this off for added comfort, but I found that once inserted, I don't even feel it. I also think that (for me, anyway) it greatly aids in the removal process especially.
So far, I have worn it yesterday afternoon, all last night, and all of today and night (it is 11:15 pm as I write this now). I am extremely pleased with my purchase! I have only had one problem with leakage in my limited amount of experience time; but I feel confident it was because I had actually not checked the cup in the proper amount of time, and I literally over-flowed the 1/2 ounce cup. It's so comfortable, I really forgot that I even had it in and needed to check it - whoops! Last night, I was certain it would be too uncomfortable to wear all night; but whether sitting, standing, or lying down I simply cannot feel the cup at all. So, I wore it all night without any issues.
I have also changed it in a public bathroom stall (something I had thought would be strange and difficult to maneuver for some reason). If you can't get to sink to fully rinse your cup out, it's equally as sufficient to wipe it out/off with toilet tissue and re-insert. Again, I had thought this could be awkward and down-right yucky; but it was really no big deal.
Each time I go through the process of removing/cleaning/re-inserting, I get faster and more confident. In short, I am delighted with my purchase! And, if you order from Amazon, you can get a price that is at least a few dollars off the regular price I saw everywhere else online. Double delight!
This post has been a little random (and way overdue, by the way! sorry about the general lack of writing lately, dear readers!); but I hope that at least the Diva Cup part was informative. :-)
Have a beautiful, restful night, my lovelies!