To Love a Rose: An Ethiopian Adoption Journal

Monday, April 11, 2011

"What He Can Expect When She's NOT Expecting"

What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility!

One of my fabulous "cysters" from Soul Cysters posted this link to an early morning radio show's interview with movie and book writer Marc Sedaka (yep, son of musician Neil Sedaka!) about his book called What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting: How to Support Your Wife, Save Your Marriage, and Conquer Infertility!.

The female radio host had struggled with IF, culminating in the IVF resulting in her son, Finn.  The male radio host had also struggled to conceive with his wife, but in his case it was male-factor (MF IF).  So, both understood what Marc had chronicled in his book concerning the years he and his wife spent TTC (trying to conceive).

I feel that Mr. C has been so supportive and kind and caring through this whole process, and I'm grateful for that.  Sedaka gave evidence from an IF doctor he wrote the book with that many men are in denial about any issues of IF - one man even going so far as to impregnate another woman (not his wife) to prove that it was not "his fault" they couldn't get pregnant.  Oh, thank you GOD that I'm not married to a man like that!

I do think, though, that Mr. C is much like Sedaka himself and the female radio host's husband are described: a fixer.  I think most men feel that way about issues in life.  They want to get to the root of the issue, fix the problem, and get on with life.  While most women merely need to grieve and cry and scream and feel sad and upset...regardless of what the "next step" is.

I'm thinking of buying Sedaka's book; not to give to Mr. C, but to read myself perhaps.  Mostly, because I especially like how Sedaka talks about "conquering IF".  I agree with his assertion that IF will be eventually conquered if the will of the couple is strong enough - either through meds, surgery, IVF, surrogate, donors, or adoption - in one way or another, if a couple wishes hard enough to be parents, they will be.

On a side-note, Mr. C and I are officially waiting for next cycle.  We're pretty sure that if I did O (ovulate) this cycle, it was not as good as it could have been.  My 7DPO progesterone levels were only 11.5.  This was particularly upsetting considering that this cycle we triggered two follicles.  We were so hoping for them both to work out - twins.  It doesn't look like that's going to be the case.

So, we are now at a crossroads.  Never in my life did I think I'd be seriously considering IVF, yet here I am.  We will be moving on to injects (subcutaneously injected {into the stomach} IF medicines) this cycle instead of Clomid in any way, shape, or form; which seems to have ruined my endometrial lining and dried up my CM (cervical mucus - what sperm swim through to get through the vagina, cervix, and eventually to the egg).

Sometimes I just feel so helpless.  Today's one of those days.  Mr. C and I talked last night about our confusion.  We've had the opportunity to adopt three times.  Each time the adoption has fallen through for one reason or another.  Yet, as we approach two years of TTC, it doesn't seem as though a bio child is "meant to be" either.  We are so confused.  We are so heartbroken.  We pray to God daily to lead the way, make our path known.

I do feel very strongly that God protected us in our adoptions from financial ruin and more emotional pain.  So, all I can do is believe that God is protecting us in our TTC journey as well.  In the meantime, all I can do is try to keep myself busy and move on with life, trusting that God is always looking out for us, preparing our path, and always with our ultimate destiny in mind - wishing to give us the desires of our hearts.

In the meantime, I'm comforted by the stories of people like Marc Sedaka and his wife's - who, by the way, now have twin daughters and a son.  :-)  Hope hope HOPE!

Fingers Crossed,

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