I'm 10 DPO in medicated cycle #2; and I'm not gonna lie, I'm not feeling super optimistic about it. I wish I could muster the emotional strength to say that I'm super stoked and even though I've had three negative HPT's in a row thus far that I realize that it's still really early and I'm therefore still harboring lots of hope.
I'm not.
I bought some
FRER today, and took one later in the afternoon - BFN. Again. As usual. People keep trying to tell me to just keep going. Don't give up. Look, it worked for me. For her. For them. Well, I'm not you or her or them. And right now, I'm hurting and feeling like a failure and utterly hopeless. On top of everything, I pretty much feel I have no one to talk to about any of this. None of my friends have had TTTC ("trouble trying to conceive"). They're all the lucky bitches who get KU'd seemingly instantly, whenever they wish. No, really, I'm not bitter. But, I'm becoming bitter.
To try to make myself "feel better" Mr. C and I visited a store in Springfield, MO that moved into a new location on Battlefield Rd. (not too far from our fertility clinic) called
Bella Baby. Because they had moved, they were having a grand opening; so, we thought we'd go in and check it out.
I have to say, it was pretty cool. They had everything from unique nursery furniture to luxurious bedding to amazing, modern diaper bags, and so much more. I was loving it. We walked around for a good 1/2 an hour talking about how cool this or that would be in the nursery. How we would love to have that baby bath and that high chair and these blankets and those onesies. It was great...mostly. Sad too, because we knew we did not have any reason to buy them.
Even so, I was impressed enough to come home, look up their website and assemble a list. A baby goods wish list, if you will. Things I'd love to have...one day. (But yes, on days like today, I can't help but think "maybe never".)
So, here's my "Baby Wish List" (minus the baby); I hope you guys enjoy. Maybe some of you will be able to put this list to work even if I can't.
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| The nursing covers from Bebe Au Lait are so beautiful and come in so many lovely prints and fabrics. I loved the "black eyelet" pattern! |
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| The baby carriers from Baby K'Tan were exactly what I've been looking for. I have a good friend who described to me how a baby should fit in a good carrier, and these seem right on target; plus, they look easy to use and easy to wash - bonus! |
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| A snug, sleep blanket in "giraffe" print by Miracle Blanket. Go to their website to watch a cool vid of how it works! |
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| The "Taylor" 4-piece bedding set from Banana Fish would look GREAT in our black, white, and yellow nursery. |
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| I LOVE these ultra-versatile Prince Lionheart baby boosters. Perfect for when baby's learning to sit up on their own or when you need a quick-fix high chair. |
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| I had seen this "wash pod" also by Prince Lionheart before, but after seeing it again this time I'm convinced that I'll HAVE to have one someday! |
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| The Baby Briefcase allows you to safely organize all of your infants medical records and important documents in one, easy to locate and store place. How handy! When we were adopting, I found something like this to put the massive amounts of info in - very helpful! |
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| This car seat cover from The Peanut Shell is just too cute AND super functional! This pattern is called "Tea Time". |
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| I think the "Skully" Bink Link would come in super handy! Also, I love skulls on baby things - I think it's the rocker girl in me! ;-) |
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| This amazing yet simple toy/chair/stool/etc. by Bilibo just rocks my socks right now! Leave it up to the Swiss to create something so quietly brilliant. |
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| Two more views of kids putting the amazing Bilibo to use! |
Amazing stuff, right? There was so much more I could share with all of you, but this blog is long enough as it is. I hope you were as inspired and blown away as I was by all of the cool stuff I found for my "baby wish list". Let's hope that sometime in the near future I actually get to put them to use!
Be well,
*mandie*
Posts
I know how you feel....ugh it is so frustrating. Just keep your chin up...there is a plan. Although you don't understand why or what it is at the moment you just have to hang in there. I read your blog out loud to my husband and he just laughed telling me "I once remember saying those same things"...and frankly still do everytime one of our friends or sibilings call with their happy news!!! It's just not fair.
ReplyDeleteWell I pray and hope that things work out for you. I believe they will you just have to hang in there. Look at it this way you are giving it your all and that is what really matters. DON'T GIVE UP!
Alicia
The night is always darkest right before the dawn,, I don't know what to say to make you feel better, I wish I did. We are still TTC with much difficulty,(also with no one to really talk to about it and how I feel) and often I think of you and I feel guilty. I am sending sweet thoughts and baby vibes to you and Mr. C ,, and I pray that the angels wrap their wings around you so you can feel the love I'm sending your way, and help you feel some comfort. xoxo
ReplyDelete@Alicia: Thanks. I know that I need to suck it up. I know that people have it worse off than us. I know all of these things, yet going through it still stabs at my heart. It would be good if I had someone to vent to other than Mr. C; sometimes I think it's just different for men. Especially since I'm the one who's going through this - all his tests and results came back completely normal. I feel like I'm holding him back from having bio children, and that feeling sucks.
ReplyDelete@Betsy: There is no reason to feel guilty. As I said above to Alicia, there are people who are much worse off than we are; I feel guilty thinking about them sometimes. But guilt is fruitless in this arena. I can't change someone else's circumstances any more than they can change mine. I hope that things work out for you. The only thing I DO know in all of this is that God is bigger than all set-backs or hurts or disappointments. GL to you!