An Answer and Farewell...

Let me first say that I am a firm believer that God always answers prayers, just not always when or how we want.  I say that, because I don't want anyone thinking that God isn't here for us...he is, we just apparently haven't found the door we're supposed to walk through yet.

Long story short, we did NOT get the loan.  The bank primarily was doing us a favor in considering a loan for an adoption to begin with (not many financial institutions do); so, we were not so very surprised, but still disappointed.

This, of course, means that the adoption (in any way with any agency) is official "off".  We are sad, but what can we do?

There is not much more to be said.

To top it all off, I had another appointment with my OBGYN today checking up on me after having the pre-cancer removed earlier this year.  He sees more changes in my cervix; which might mean more surgery.  I spent two hours in the clinic today getting poked, prodded, and stabbed.  The good thing that came out of this appointment was knowing some more information on why I physically cannot get/stay pregnant; I am grateful to at least have some more answers...that at least feels good.

When my mom got cancer and when my youngest sister found out she had a brain mass that was causing her seizures, we all felt like there was something wrong.  Like maybe we had done something, or maybe we weren't worthy of healing and happiness anymore.  We were even told by some people in our churches that there were obviously things "wrong with our prayer lives" and other ridiculous and misguided information.

But that is contrary to the promises of the Bible.  God does not "punish".  The Bible says he came to "give life, and life more abundantly".  So, I know that God is still on our side - all of our sides - we only just have to keep believing in him and his timing.

My other sister made these amazing bracelets that say "Expect A Miracle/Psalm 5:3".  The verse goes like this:

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice, in the morning I lift up my requests to you, and wait in expectation."

Expectation.  Not wondering if you are worthy.  Not crying in despair.  Faithfully looking to God in expectation that he will answer prayer.

I am officially closing this blog.  There, really, is nothing more for me to write about.  I am so grateful for all of the support and love I have received from all around the world from people who have stumbled upon this blog!  THANK YOU for stopping by!

I wish you all well and so many blessings!

*mandie*