To Love a Rose: An Ethiopian Adoption Journal

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

My "Fault"

I got a call this morning around 10 a.m. from our fertility clinic.  Dr. S's nurse said that Mr. C's "little swimmer" analysis came back, and they just wanted us to know that everything looked really "good" and "normal".

"Great," was all I could think. "So, all of this is my fault then."

I know in reality there is no such thing as someone being "at fault" when it comes to fertility.  I eat right, exercise, take vitamins daily, always go to my yearly exams, and try to be a good person and follow Christ as best as a lowly human can - what else could I have done?  Nothing, of course; but it's still hard at times to not feel like I'm being punished for something somehow.

Since W was diagnosed with catamenial epilepsy, she's been doing lots of research on the effects of low progesterone, most all of my health concerns were on the lists of symptoms she found on several medical sites, including cervical displaysia and cancer, miscarriages, infertility, irregular periods, and extremely painful PMS symptoms.  I am hoping that my answer is a simple one like low progesterone that can be "fixed" with creams and/or pills.  I would be so grateful to at least have that under control, whether or not it leads to pregnancy.

Hopefully I'll have more answers tomorrow.  Dr. S's nurse said she thought she'd have the rest of my labs today, but since I never heard back I can only assume that they didn't get there before they closed.  Darn!  Guess I'll just have to wait until tomorrow!

*Patience is the most difficult virtue for me to try to master.*


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