Remember: Don't Forget the Good Stuff!

Mr. C and I getting ready to say our vows on October 18, 2008.

I have been meaning to post this blog for the past several days, but we've been (and still are) shooting videos for the band.  So, needless to say, life's been hectic (but good).


Recently, I had an opportunity to send some of Mr. C and my wedding pictures to one of my favorite bloggers, Shari of Spearmint Baby!  She has a few sister sites connected with this fabulous blog now - one on decor and one on weddings.

When I got the e-mail from Shari saying she was going to feature our pictures, I was sitting at our favorite sushi place with Mr. C; and I realized then that I have been forgetting the most important part of this life journey: I have been forgetting to NOT forget the good stuff!

I have so much to be thankful for and so much to be happy about.  I have a fabulous marriage to a man I adore, my band is finally getting to move forward on several projects we've had to put off due to health reasons of one of my sisters/bandmates, we just built a new house and will soon be moving in, my mom just celebrated over a year being cancer-free, and the list goes on and on!

When you're caught up in a life-changing (and heart-wrenching) issue like infertility (and looking into adoption from any stand-point whether infertility is involved or not), you tend to get wrapped up in  it, but not wrapped up like a friendly, warm blanket - oh no, more like smothered in it, drowning in it.  Surviving the hurt and struggle becomes your number one priority, but I think I'm realizing more and more that the truly enlightened way to look at it would be to be forever grateful for the time and things you are given before the situation rights itself according to God's plan or fate or whatever you want to call it.

For Mr. C and myself, I came to the conclusion right there that very night when I received that e-mail from the Spearmint Blogger that I should be grateful for little, spontaneous, late-night sushi runs with my husband.  I should be grateful for every moment I get to spend with him, but especially these moments alone as a couple; because this goal we are struggling toward (parenthood - in whatever way we get there) will change that dynamic forever.  We will no longer be Mr. and Mrs. C, but three (or more, as time passes).  Even for all of the desire to be a mother, I am somewhat sad about the loss of the "us" factor.  I like being Mr. C's world, and I like that he's my world; but a child will change everything.  While I'm sure this change will be for the better, I'm going to take my time and be more selfish about things now.  I'm going to savor these small moments before they are gone forever.

Well, once again, I have no time left; and I must wrap up this blog.  But, if you'd like to see some pictures of our special day just visit Spearmint Weddings!

Love and Blessings,
*mandie*

20 Things...

I haven't written in a while...haven't felt like writing anything for a long time, actually.  This biological clock thing sucks.  I always thought I'd adopt first and have biological children later.  Who knew that time and consequences would force me to face the fact that biological children "later" might not even be a possibility.  The mind reels...

So, here we are, months and months later, still trying to conceive biologically.  Part of me wonders: is this God's way of telling me that adoption is the only way to go?  His perfect plan?  Or am I supposed to "learn something" from this struggle?  Should we keep persevering?  Who knows.  Dear hubby says there is no such thing as the "right answer" or "right choice" - there is only the choice we make in the moment, that's all.

I don't know, though.  Do I believe in "fate"?  God's destiny for any one person?  If so, then there is a correct answer to this struggle we're going through.  There is a decision we're supposed to be coming to; it's just not obvious to me ..yet.

In the meantime, I've been reading about both natural birth plans and mid-wives and doulas as well as keeping up on my adoption literature.  Being the child of an adopted mother, I think - no, I know - that I am acutely aware of many of the issues of adoption...the psychological, the emotional, the relational, etc.  While I have not gone through the process (and consequent issues) personally as an adoptee, I have been on the forefront with my mother as she struggled as an adult through all of the messy emotions and psychological issues that plague those who have been adopted who have not been transitioned properly from biological loss to their new adopted realities.

The book "Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adopted Parents Knew" by Sherrie Eldridge had been suggested to me over and over again; so, I finally downloaded it to my Kindle and settled in for the read.  I found myself blown away by the similarities between what Eldridge was describing from her own personal experience as well as the experiences of so many other adoptees and my own mother.

I  will not go into all of the issues that Eldridge explains in her very insightful book, for they are far too numerous and extensive to even touch on in one blog; but I will say that delving into this book is not for the faint of heart, especially if you are intimately touched by adoption (an adoptee, adoptive or perspective adoptive parent, child of or relative to an adoptee, etc.).  I have to say that as a potential adoptive parent, I am both overwhelmed and strengthened by what I've read.

But here I am at the end of the journey through Ms. Eldridge's book, and I am left pondering some very real and very frightening questions:

1. Am I "good enough" to be an adoptive mom?

2. Will I ever be able to be strong enough/wise enough/fair enough/attentive enough to be all of the things I need to be as an adoptive parent: clinician, psychologist, detective, loving caretaker, etc.etc.?

3. Will my child respond to my love and care, or will s/he end up hating and resenting me?

4. How will my husband and I be able to reconcile our heritages along with a child from another country/culture/race (since we are adopting from Ethiopia) without "messing it all up" royally?

Can any of this be done?  Will we be okay?  How will our family be formed?  Oh, if only I knew how everything will turn out!  I would love to know what the future holds, but in the meantime I will have to continue filling my head with as much information as I can.  Thank God for those willing to share their stories like Sherrie Eldridge; it helps to comfort me in a strange way to think that perhaps everything truly will end up okay in the end.

To buy Ms. Eldridge's book on Amazon, click the book title link above.  It is available in paperback, hardcover, and Kindle download.

*mandie*

Gobena Coffee Has Arrived!

Today was the day - the day our Gobena Coffee arrived!  We've been meaning to order from this amazing coffee company for months, and we finally followed through a couple of weeks ago, putting our order in for one bag of Ethiopian (for Sean) and one bag of decaf (for me, since I can no longer have the "leaded" or "good stuff" :).

First off, if you're wondering about Gobena Coffee Co., you should follow the link on the right-hand side of my blog here to read their story in their own words.  It's truly an amazing and inspirational story, and I hope it will inspire many others to order their product as well.

Second, this is some delicious coffee!  No joke!  The decaf (which is decaffeinated using the Swiss water method) is full-bodied and extremely flavorful!  I can't wait to have a sip of the Ethiopian; which is supposedly the best!  Here's a pic of me enjoying my first sip of Gobena deliciousness!

The best part of ordering this yummy java is the fact that each bag feeds an orphan for a month!  Now, that's a cup of legal stimulant that you can really get behind! :)  So, go order yourself some Gobena and enjoy!!!!

(A bag of Gobena coffee and some extra goodies they gave us!)

 

Good coffee and a great cause - sounds delish to me!
*mandie*

Merry (Ethiopian) Christmas!

Well, I missed it yesterday; but I didn't want to end these past couple of busy days without mentioning that January 7th is Ethiopian Christmas (known as "Ganna")!

Spending the holidays with my family this year, I found myself wondering over and over again what it would be like to celebrate with Baby C one day.  I'm excited.  I realize that my dreams won't be fulfilled any time soon, and that makes me a little sad.  But, I look forward to the Christmas season that I will spend with Baby C - that will be a good time.

So, I leave you with a wish for a Merry (Ethiopian) Christmas and amazingly blessed new year!

Ethiopian art depicting the "reason for the season", Jesus' birth to the Blessed Virgin Mary!

Happy 2010!
*mandie*

Irish, American, AND Ethiopian???

I hope all of you had a wonderful holiday season in 2009!  More than that, though, I've been thinking about this next year/decade and all of the wonderful blessings and gifts I hope and believe are on the way for my family and all families.

One exciting thing that is finally happening for my family is that my sisters and I will be joining my mother in getting our Irish dual-citizenship.  My mother and her biological brother have Irish citizenship, because their mother never gave up her Irish citizenship when she came to America in her early 20's.

We're all super excited to be able to be able to celebrate our cultural heritage by getting our dual-citizenship!  It will also make our family journey to Ireland (which we are going to take as soon as our new Irish passports come in) that much more meaningful and fun!

Something I've been wrestling with lately is the fact that my children will be able to be registered with the Irish Foreign Birth Registrar - making them dual-citizens with Ireland and America.  But what do I do for my future adopted children?  I can only imagine what it will be like for an Ethiopian child living in an all-white family in America; but how do I make three cultures have their place in our family life?  Would my child be an Ethiopian Irish-American then?  Or if I don't register them with the birth registrar because they're African and I do register our biological children, what would that be saying?  That some of us are part of a "club", but others aren't?  Or maybe none of this will matter to our children, biological or adopted?  Perhaps I'm making the bigger deal out of it all, and it will merely be second nature to them - not a problem or source of contention in any way?

I have not worked through this entirely in my head yet; so, I don't know what the answer(s) will be (if there are any).  All I know is that this new year and decade are surely going to be full of surprises; and I am so excited to see what God has in store for my family and friends!

Blessings and Much Love,
*mandie*