Adoption FUNdraising! (help us bring Desi HOME!)

Many people who read my blog and also know me IRL have asked why I have been silent and scarce in my postings about Desmond.  Well, unfortunately, there is good reason for that.

I cannot and will not go into details about anything, but suffice it to say that it is best if I share practically nothing at all about the process UNTIL we travel to pick Des up to bring him home.  SO, until we travel, I will be keeping things to a minimum, as I have been doing these past several months.

There have been SO MANY milestones I wanted to shout to the rooftops and share with you all - he's getting so big and doing so well!  But, it's just not safe; and I do NOT want to jeopardize our adoption or anyone else's in any way, shape, or form.  It's even become unsafe to share such news on our private F*cebook pages; which makes me incredibly sad.

*EDIT: Turns out even when we travel we will not be allowed to share anything with anyone from our journey.  This greatly saddens me, but we will adhere to whatever rules are necessary to bring our son home.*  When we travel, I will be posting details and photos of our entire journey (we are planning to live there for up to a month during the finalization process); so, don't worry, there will be LOTS of cuteness to enjoy very soon! ;)  Truly, I have great respect for Desmond's birth country and culture; and I always will, no matter how painful and drawn-out this process has been.

All of that being said, we are in the final throes of this process.  As we will be traveling within the next few months (we assume), we are kicking our fundraising into high gear; but we hate the idea of hand-outs, and if we could do this adoption without needing any financial assistance, we most certainly would.  However, at this time, we do need a little extra help here and there; SO, we are doing some fundraising that makes sure that everyone who contributes gets something in return.

At the moment, we are launching our t-shirt fundraiser:

Images copyright of To Love a Rose, 2013.

The tiny wording below "LOVE WINS" says, "Spread the love at lovesplosion.com".

As readers of my blog know, the phrase "love wins" means a lot to me and my family in the context of my mother's passing; but it holds special significance in regards to Desmond's adoption as well.  I can clearly see God's hand in every aspect of Des' life and this adoption process.  He has orchestrated things beyond what any government or political leader can control to bring this exact boy into our lives.  Indeed, love truly has "won" in bringing our son into our lives. <3 br="">

My sister, M, and her husband own a screen-printing business; so, they have graciously offered to let us use their skills and equipment to help make these t-shirts a reality.  M and I will be making these ourselves for all those who pre-order from our adoption website.

Offered in sizes from infant to toddler to youth to women's and adults/men's, there is an option for every member of the family!  They are made of 100% combed cotton; so, they're really soft, and we plan on using a curable reducer, so the ink is low and keeps the t-shirts comfy for always.

Deadline to pre-order will be September 7th, 2013.  SO MAKE SURE YOU GET YOUR ORDERS IN here.

I am REALLY looking forward to making these t-shirts for everyone!  S and I plan on buying some for ourselves and Des and wearing them together when we travel to pick him up - cheesy but awesome!

Thanks in advance for any and all orders!  You have no idea how much it humbles us when people want and do help out with Desmond's adoption, it means more than you will ever know.

Loves!
*mandie*

Picking an Agency - Check!

Well, tonight was parent training class #2; and really this was the most exciting to us, because this class was specifically focused on adoption from Ethiopia!  Hooray!

The information was really relevant, and the hostesses were more than willing to give their 1st-hand experience with adoption through Ethiopia, their travel experiences with the country and people, and the process of bringing home an Ethiopian child (everything! the good, bad, and ugly parts too! which was great!).

For us, it really solidified the fact that we want to continue not just with our Ethiopian adoption; but also with International Adoption Network as our agency.  This is something we've been struggling with for a while, and I think I can speak for both of us when I say that tonight made it clear to us which direction to go! :)

I know for me, that it's always interesting how and why a couple chooses the agency they do; so, I thought I'd take some time to clarify why we are sticking with IAN, as well as some of the other options we looked into.

As many of you may or may not know, hubby and I first looked into China (as so many couples do!) for our adoption.  The quintessential Chinese adoption agency is based out of Texas and is called Great Wall China Adoption (GWCA).  Their founder, Snow Wu, is known all over the world for her efforts in child advocacy.  She has worked tirelessly for the benefit of children in several countries (not just China); working for health care, education, and so much more.

GWCA is HUGE.  It is respected world-wide, and has been a part of bringing literally tens of thousands of girls and boys to their forever homes in America and elsewhere.  They seemed to us a most obvious choice for an agency.  And honestly, had we kept our LID for China, we most likely we would have stayed with GWCA as our agency.

There are so many, many benefits to a large agency, that I really don't even have time to get into them all; but for us, we were drawn to IAN for the opposite reason - it is small.  We liked that the workers know every family by name (and the children too!).  We enjoy the fact that we are able to call them whenever we feel necessary and are given direct lines to their offices and cell phones.  We like that they have strong ties to Ethiopia, and that their facilitators and workers have been in the program as long as it's been open - lots of experience means things go smoothly on both sides!

Overall, we are just so very pleased with our experiences with IAN; and we've only just begun!  So, I can excitedly say that they're officially "the one" for us!

Now, this isn't to say that we only looked at two agencies and suddenly VOILA!  We had an agency!  Not at all!  There are so many things that we looked at when considering agencies.  Some of our concerns included the following (in no particular order):

1. Hague Accredidation - this is an international system set up to protect children from being mistreated or abused during the adoption process; this is necessary for international adoption; so, if the agency doesn't have this, it's pretty much a done-deal anyway

2. Years of Experience - we wanted to work with an agency that had been established in a country and knew the ins-and-outs of the adoption process legally, socially, and diplomatically

3. A Good Record - I scoured the Internet for first-hand experiences (blogs, chat rooms, forums, etc.) from parents who had used each of the agencies we were considering, if they had a good or bad experience, I would ask why and whether they would recommend their final agency or not, they had TONS of great information that I am so grateful to have heard

4. A Fair Service to Fee Ratio - by this I mean that I would hope that the agency's own "service fee" (which is different from the other legal and country fees attached to an international adoption) would be fair and on base with the services they are alledging to provide us as adoptive parents

5. An Informative and Helpful Staff - were our e-mails and phone calls returned in a timely fashion?  were the staff members personable and kind?  were we given the time and energy we needed to feel safe and secure in our actions during the process (within good reason)?

These are just a few of the criteria we considered before making our decision, but each couples' needs and requirements are different.  So, obviously, while these were important to us, other couples may have had much more unique circumstances and needs than us.  Everyone is different; which is why having so many options is ideal!  Ask lots of questions (there is NEVER a stupid question when it comes to your future child and your adoption process!), search around, take your time, and think and pray about your decision.  It will all come together in the end!

Here are some other agencies we looked at (including IAN), in case you are needing some starting points yourself.  I know I found it really helpful when other moms and dads would share this information; so, maybe it will be helpful to you or someone you know!

1. International Adoption Network (IAN): http://www.adoptioninternational.net

2. Great Wall China Adoption (GWCA): http://www.gwca.org

3. Children of All Nations (CAN - CWCA's sister agency): http://www.childrenofallnations.com

4. Holt International Agency: http://www.holtinternational.org/ethiopia

5. The Spence-Chapin Agency: http://www.spence-chapin.org

6. Children's Hope International: http://www.childrenshopeint.org/ethiopia/ethiopiachildren.htm

All of these agencies have so many good things to offer.  I encourage you, if you're interested in international adoption of any kind, to check them out (and others as well)!

I'll leave you tonight with a picture of some precious Ethiopian children who recently put on a special presentation for some Americans traveling to pick up their adopted children in Addis Ababa.  Their energy and genuine love of performance burst through the image and leave me smiling.  I hope they brighten your day as they brighten mine!

Blessings and More Blessings,

*mandie*

"The Three W's" or "Why We Chose Ethiopia"

Wow!  Here I am, actually DOING this!  I've been talking about starting this blog for about two years...I know, I know, it kinda makes me look like a procrastinator, right?  Well, actually, it's been a lot more than that.  I won't get into anything too specific (because I don't want to give too much away about myself on this blog - mystery, mystery - ha!); but it's been a crazy past couple of years - moving to a new state, major career moves, and marriage too!

No matter what I've been going through, though, I've always had motherhood (specifically adoption) on my mind.  Which brings me to the title of this first  "real" blog post, "The Three W's - What? Where? Why?".  So, I guess I'll get started:

1. What? - Adoption.  To me, this really is interchangeable with the word motherhood, period.  After I got married, a good friend of my husband's (a married, mom of two herself) asked me, "So, when are you guys going to have kids?"  To which I replied, "Oh, we've already started the process of adopting a little girl.  So, it'll be within the next couple of years."  She looked at me blankly, then immediately blurted out, "No, I mean...not that!  You've got to have some real kids!"

"Real kids"?  What does that even mean?!  So, when I go to Africa to pick her up, that won't be real?  And when I hold her in my arms for the first time, I won't really feel her; because she won't be "real"?  I won't cry with her, laugh with her, run and play with her?  Tuck her in at night and tell her stories?  Watch her with pride and a tinge of sadness as she grow up and becomes an adult?  None of this, because it will all be illusion?!

Of course, this is ridiculous.  Of course, she will be real.  Of course, we will feel each other and love each other.  I am not worried about us in this instance; I am worried about "them".  The people who will respond like my husband's friend, claiming that our relationship is somehow invalid, unreal, something that cannot compare to a mother and child who got to experience their first nine months as close as blood and skin.

This is something to be touched upon in a later blog, but it is a very real source of contention for me - something that absolutely angers me.  Perhaps it would be hard for this woman to love a child that was not physically born from her own body, but that doesn't mean that it is difficult for others.  It is certainly not hard for me and my husband.  I want this so much, and I will NOT allow anyone to invalidate the relationship I will have with my future adopted child.

2. Where? - When we started this process (before we were even engaged!), we started thinking of where we would want to adopt from.  Not that a foreign country was important to us, but after researching all of the risks and benefits of domestic as opposed to foreign adoption, we were convinced that foreign adoption was for us.

Our initial interest was in China, and we planned and hoped and prayed for what we thought would be a little girl aged infant to 4 years old from that country.  We knew it was going to be a long journey, first I wasn't (still am not) 30 yet, which is a major pre-requisite for adoption from China.  Also, couples must be married for at least two years (which I am not certain, but may have been recently upped to five years).  To top everything off, our contact at the agency we were planning on signing with (Great Wall China Adoption in Texas) contacted us to let us know that slowly but surely, China was closing it's doors to foreign adoptions.

After learning that the same was happening in Korea as well, we were really beginning to doubt the adoption as a whole.  But then, the same agency contact turned our attention to some new programs that were just beginning to flourish in Ghana, Uganda, and Ethiopia.  We did our research, and decided to focus our energy and emotions on Ethiopia!

3. Why? - Adoption is near and dear to my heart in most part, because my mother was adopted at the age of nearly two.  Her biological mother was a young, Irish immigrant who had come to America to live with one of her two older sisters.  She never became an official American citizen, never voted, never had a driver's license.  So, my mother is a first-generation Irish-American.  I feel I have been living with the ghosts of my mother's biological family as long as I've been alive.  Adoption and adoption issues are very interesting to me, and I have known since I was a teenager that I wanted to adopt a child one day.

When I met my husband, one of the first things we talked about were children, and we realized immediately that we both were very interested in adoption.  So, nearly as soon as we were engaged, we began talking about beginning our adoption process.  Which brings us to present day, and our current stage in the adoption process - agency "shopping".

So, those are my three "W's"!  I know this process will not be easy, but I am really looking forward to this journey.  There is so much more to come, I can't wait to see what the future holds!

Blessings and More Blessings,

*mandie*