I'm in love with a boy in the world

*We received notice that the answer is "no".  We do not get to parent "L".  We're both pretty heart-broken and are back to waiting for a referral from the Korea program.  It has been 17 long months since we started this process...we are aching to know who our child is.*

Photo courtesy of The Berry

It's true...I have fallen for a waiting child.  I think I'm in love with this little dude.

And while most people would be giddy with delight over finding a kiddo they connect with...I'm worried.  Worried we'll get denied, turned away - and one day soon I'll see a big "I have a family!" posted happily across his sweet photo-listing picture; and I'll have a hole in my heart.

What's the big deal?  Well, this little guy is in the China program; and we have been approved for Korea.  Would it be a big, giant pain-in-the-butt to switch programs?  Kinda.  China is a Hague country, while Korea is not.  It's a whole different set pile of paperwork and a whole new bag of rules.  Then, there's the fact that this sweet boy has some issues that would need surgery.  I know our insurance company will cover any child we adopt; but with recent changes to our policy I'm not sure how far they'd go for a pre-existing condition, and his treatments *could be* costly.  I think everything would be okay, but in truth, I don't know.  So, we've got a lot of praying to do and a lot of questions to ask to more than one person.  I'm hoping we'll learn more on Monday from our agency and our social worker.

In all honesty, I never thought I'd connect to a waiting child.  This probably sounds terrible, but the children on the waiting child photo-listing are the ones who are usually older and have more demanding special needs.  Looking through the sea of faces in the past, I always felt over-whelmed and nearly felt like hyperventilating when reading through the kiddos' medical files.  But when I found little "L", I didn't feel that way at all.  In fact, I burst into tears for no reason whatsoever.  He just looked so precious, I couldn't help but feel an instant connection.

I have no clue what the future holds.  In all reality, we are probably not eligible to adopt this boy; which is really going to break my heart in half.  Even though he's not what I thought I "wanted" - special needs kiddo, already 2 years old, in the China program - I am truly drawn to him, and Mr. C is too.

If you find the time, please pray for God to guide this whole situation for us and "L".  If the answer is "no"; I just want him to find the best family EVER and SOON.  Also, I really need hope that we will get a referral from Korea soon; and that I'll feel the same "zing" I feel just looking at "L".

Trust me, I'm the first to realize how foolhardy this is - so much of our journey toward adoption is done and now this could throw everything for a loop.  It's not the wisest, and I can't explain it; but I can't stop staring at this little boy.  I'm just giving it over to God; I have to keep trusting that He does, indeed, have a perfect plan.

Dreaming/Praying/Hoping,
*mandie*