I Can't Make My Phone Ring by Looking at It (a lack of patience story)

Korean hanja for "patience/perseverance".  Photo courtesy of Oriental Outpost.

They shouldn't have said a word; because, honestly, now I'm more obsessed than ever.

It's true.

Last week, Mr. C and I were informed that all of the home studies sent to Korea in January 2012 had been matched; which means we are NEXT in line to receive our referral!  AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Although our home study was technically done in January, a few more pieces of paper were needed and then it all had to be translated; which meant that HSTK (or "home study to Korea") wasn't sent until Valentine's Day.  Being the sap that I am, though, I'm okay with this; because, really, could the date be any more significant?  Valentine's Day is also a huge holiday in South Korea; so that made it all the more poignant for us.

As exciting as this time is for us, I am learning just how fundamentally flawed my patience factor really is.  Essentially, I have none.  I also realize that this is only the beginning of the wait for us, really; however, there is something that comforts me in knowing WHO I will be waiting for - or maybe not...we'll see how deep the crazy gets in a few months!

For the time being I check my phone a million times per day, and check the online Holt Korea forums every hour on the hour (if I can).  I know that all of this checking and re-checking won't make things happen faster or even at all.

I cannot make my phone ring by looking at it. 

However, it gives me a sick sense of comfort to know that I'm at least doing something, even if it's not actually productive or relevant to the outcome.

Truthfully, as incredible, amazing, wonderful, fantastic it is to know that our referral call is only days or weeks away, it's even more mind-boggling to fully grasp the fact that a referral call can't come without being matched with a child.  Meaning, our son or daughter is born - alive and breathing and crying and smiling and sleeping and blinking half a world away - they are REAL! 

This isn't a mere fantasy or figment of our imaginations; there is an actual, FACTUAL baby that is OURS in this world RIGHT THIS MOMENT.  We haven't received the call yet; but really, we're already parents!  I could just burst into tears; this is amazing! 

Who knew that we would be here after so much heartache and pain?!  Who knew my heart could feel this fulfilled and content?  Who knew my soul would be bursting with so much joy and hope?  God knew.  He has answered the desires of my heart.  And I cannot WAIT to lay my eyes on our sweet, little baby!

On a quasi-sidenote, we were also told that there is still a good chance that we could receive a referral of a girl; which took us back, because at first we had been told to expect a boy and only a boy.  So, if it ends up being a girl, we're going to have a lot of boy's clothes/toys/etc. to put aside for later!  Either way, we will be more than delighted!

I hope that the next post I write will be telling you dear readers about OUR CHILD; but in the meantime, be love, be well, be blessed!

LOVE LOVE LOVE,
*mandie*