To Love a Rose: An Ethiopian Adoption Journal

Friday, August 26, 2011


No, not the swarming, buzzing, full of bees kind...And not the cute, 60's hairdo kind either.  Just straight-up, itchy, splotchy, nasty-looking hives!  That's what I've been dealing with for the past 3 days, and it's really no fun.  Here are some views of what I looked like one day one:

Mr. C and I had been in Iowa for our band rehearsals for the September 10th "hometown show" we're doing at the Fairfield Arts and Convention Center in our hometown of Fairfield, Iowa (the same exact stage Mr. C and I got married on three years ago come October 18th).  So, yes, there's been a lot of stress in my life - my sister, W, who is in the band with me and our other sister, M, had a grand mal seizure just hours before our first rehearsal last week (the 15th).  Needless to say, it's hard to work on performing when one of the pivotal members of the group is stressed out, anxious, dead tired, and sore as hell from having a grand mal seizure.  We managed to get in three rehearsals while up there, but it's been a long road.

I have no clue if the stress of the past week and a half finally got to me or if I am allergic to something I unwittingly encountered while there, but on our way home to Missouri, I noticed that I was itching all over my body - everywhere!  I also started feeling super nauseated and had some *ahem* "loose stools" (gross, I know!).  I chalked it up to the fact that I was/am still taking the Chinese herbs for PCOS (I only have ONE WEEK left!  Can you believe it?!) and started my progesterone support cream on 4DPO.

By the time we actually got to our house, I was covered  my back looked terrible; because I had just kept scratching at the itchy splotches all day.  I started doing some research about first I thought maybe I had a food allergy that was acting up, but I hadn't eaten anything unusual at all.  It could have been the stress, but honestly, I didn't really feel all that much stress.  In fact, the next day I was so calm I felt I could fall asleep at any moment all throughout the day.  Then, I saw a link far down on the page of Go-gle that said "pregnancy hives".

Could it be?

But I doubt it.  I ovulated on CD19 (finally!), but with the Chinese herbs I'm on I'm not expecting too much this cycle.  Still, it would make sense.  There's really no other reason for these hives to keep popping up.  Plus, my mom had pregnancy hives way back when; so........maybe?

I hate things like this that get my hopes up.  HATE IT.  Because the past 2 1/2 years have only ever made me a fool for having so much hope and reading so much into things.  It's 7 DPO today, and I took a HPT - negative, of course, but that's what worries me too.  If it truly is pregnancy hives, wouldn't I be pregnant enough to get a +HPT?  That's why I'm leaning to the "negative" category.

I decided after today's -HPT that I would wait like a good girl, as I have these past several cycles, until 14DPO or beyond to test again.  If I make it that far without spotting/AF showing up, then it's probably safe to assume something's up, if AF does show up, no harm/no's nothing that I haven't had to deal with before.

Next month will officially be our last month of TTC.  The adoption begins in October, and we will celebrate 3 years of marriage.  Wow, time flies, it truly does.  It's so hard to imagine not TTC anymore...not taking my temperature every morning.  Not monitoring every little twitch and tingle my body feels...I have no clue how I'll actually feel when that moment gets here, but right now it's pretty surreal.



  1. It's so strange that you were experiencing this. I developed hives in this last cycle of mine, too. I had them at 7 and 8dpo - the very same days I had spotting. No pregnancy, though. I'm starting to wonder if I have embryos that implant, but my body has an immune response to them and rejects them right away.

    Anyway, I hope your hives mean something much better than mine! It's interesting that your mom had pregnancy hives. I hope you do, too. :)

  2. M, I just read your blog about the possibility of Lupis or some other auto-immune issue with you; I sincerely hope that this is not the case for you. At the same time, I know as well as anyone that a diagnosis, even one you are dreading, is better than just continually wondering what the heck is going wrong. I saw you will be having an endometrial biopsy soon, I just hope the best for you, you've been through so much.

    As for my hives, I am really beginning to think that this is just a response to something I ate or stress, or something I somehow got into while in Iowa...I don't know. I can't explain it right now, but I just cannot bring myself to believe that it's pregnancy hives. Like I said above, if I'm pregnant enough to have pregnancy hives, wouldn't I be pregnant enough for a +HPT? And it's only 7 DPO, so, that would have to mean that I started getting pregnancy hives at 5 DPO...I'm no expert, but it seems highly unlikely that it could even be possible. I'm not trying to be negative, just realistic.

    Again, I wish the very best for you! Congrats again on your engagement to J! I sincerely hope that the future treats you well! :-)

  3. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is a good sign, but either way (through TTC or adoption) you are going to be an amazing mommy someday soon!

    Good luck and best wishes Mandie... keep us posted!

  4. Thanks for the well wishes! I had the hives until early this morning (around 2 a.m.-ish when I finally fell asleep); then, this morning they were gone. Of course, I'm glad they're gone; but if they were pregnancy hives, I'm thinking they wouldn't just "go away", you know?

    I'm trying not to think too much about any of this right now...I'm only 8 DPO, chances aren't looking too good. But no matter what, we've got the adoption starting up in October; so, there is definitely something to look forward to! :-)

  5. Just jokes! The hives are back with a vengeance. :-( KMFX'ed that this is what I'm hoping it would be worth it then!

  6. I really hope it's pregnancy hives. I do remember the feeling of hoping against hope in relation to pregnancy.

    If it isn't pregnancy related, perhaps your mind isn't feeling stress but your body have so much going on and so much on your mind and heart.

    I'm continuing to pray for you and am convinced you are going to make an amazing mommy someday *soon* and that your journey is going to help and inspire so many others.

  7. Thanks, Jamie! I never thought I'd "want" hives, but if that's what they are, hey, I'll take 'em! I thought they had gone away, but they came back this afternoon and into the evening; so, I'm still "holding strong". I have no idea what to think anymore...I'm just along for the ride, God's driving the car.

  8. Mandie I know from reading forward that this ended up not being the BFP that you were hoping for, and I am so sorry. How many ways can a woman explain how much infertility sucks?
    Side note.. love your ink. Have you ever written a post explaining your tattoos?

  9. @Cullensblessings: Thank you! Yes, I have written a bit about my tattoos...back a few months ago when I freaked out for some reason and thought I wanted to laser them off - haha! It's one of my "popular posts" off to the right side of my blog called "Tattoo Removal". I sort of explain them all there and have pictures.

    PS: I have since decided that I do, indeed, LOVE my tattoos; and would never laser them off. :-)