With 2010 fast approaching, many adoption advocates have been encouraging those of us who are contemplating adoption, as well as those who have already adopted, to contact our state's representatives and Senators to encourage them to vote in favor of keeping the current tax credit for adoptive parents that is set to expire on January 1st in only a couple short months.
I have been doing my part to spread the word to those around me; and I also contacted Missouri's politicians, including Senator Claire McCaskill. Surprisingly, she e-mailed me back with some really kind words about adoption; however, something she said really bothered me, "1,800 kids" in Missouri are awaiting adoption while "over 9,600" are in foster care.
Wow.
This is Missouri alone! Multiply that times 50 states (many of which probably have even more children awaiting adoption/in foster care) and suddenly you are looking at a staggering amount of American children who have no homes, no families. I instantly started thinking, "Are we making the right decision?" When we chose international adoption to start our family, we did so under the advice of many couples who had suffered through botched adoptions right here in our own country - children taken back by their (often inadequate or abusive) biological families, pregnant mothers who "changed their minds", courts siding again and again with a verdict of "biological is best".
It was all too much to hear let alone contemplate enduring. I couldn't imagine bringing a child into our home and caring for them and loving them only to have them yanked away from me. It would just be too painful to even imagine.
With international adoption, the adoptive parents can have much more confidence in the process of bringing their child home. Most of this is due to the fact that adoptions abroad are finalized. The biological parents are often not even known, let alone involved in the process of their child being adopted. In many cases, especially in Ethiopia, the child is a true orphan, often due to diseases such as AIDS taking their parents' lives. This is different than in countries like China where many "orphans" are not truly orphaned (as in their parents are deceased), but rather that they were abandoned by parents who could not afford to care for them or that they were not the desired gender (ie: they are female).
Overall, when adopting from overseas, parents don't have to worry about their children being taken from them or the biological parents (if alive) even being able to find them let alone trying to contact their child. This is good and bad, in my opinion (after all, I have a mother who was adopted who searched her whole life to find her biological mother and father, only to discover that her mother was foreign and had passed away before she had a chance to meet her, and to get absolutely no information on her father).
All things considered, I looked at international adoption as a way to ensure that our child would truly be ours, no strings attached. Even though there are health and travel and safety concerns connected with Ethiopian adoption, somehow they paled in comparison to the possibility of having our child taken away from us.
So, why did the news of the children waiting in my own state bother me so much? Why was I suddenly questioning our decision to adopt from abroad?
To make matters even more confusing, my mother was visiting us when she received a phone call from her best friend in Iowa (I'll call her "Aunt D"). Aunt D works in childcare both out of her home and at the church that she has attended with my parents for almost 30 years. My youngest sister had recently accompanied my mother to Iowa to help with the churches' vacation Bible study, working with the toddlers.
They had come back with lots of photos of the adorable little kids doing their projects, learning Bible verses, and making and eating sloppy snacks - precious. One little girl, they called their "little bird". "Bird" was notably small for her age of nearly two, she hardly spoke, and was always poorly dressed and in need of a clean diaper. Needless to say, she was adorable, and everyone involved thought she was so cute.
Which was why my mom was so disturbed when Aunt D called while she was visiting us here in Missouri. It turns out that "Bird's" mom is a junkie. Not only that, but she recently dropped Bird off at one of Aunt D's friends who lives in the same town as her who also works in childcare and had not come back - it had been three days.
Even worse, when Bird showed up at this lady's house, her diaper had not been changed in probably three days; and it was suspected that she had not been fed in as many days as well. I was instantly heartbroken. Aunt D went on to say that Bird had been passed on to local authorities to be put up for adoption, but that her young mother (I have no idea where her father is in all of this) had suddenly reappeared and was demanding an open adoption.
This was just one more thing making me feel guilty about my decision to adopt from Ethiopia, when right here in front of me, not but 600 miles away was a child in desperate need of a safe and loving home. Bird was not a statistic or photo in a pamphlet or on an infomercial, she is a real-life child that was close enough for me to drive to, to take home with me.
My mind was racing...should we go get her? Is this a sign from God? Is Bird supposed to be our daughter? What's the right answer? Oh, how I wished God would just audibly speak to me and tell me what to do!
After talking to Dear Husband about the situation, I just couldn't help but burst into tears. I felt as though everything I'd been thinking and planning was wrong. I felt so guilty. How could I possibly abandon all of these children in America by choosing to go elsewhere to adopt? I felt extreme guilt. I felt selfish.
Dear Husband kept telling me that there is not "right" and "wrong", only what is right for us and our family at the time that we are making the decision. While I know he's right, I still feel guilty. I still question whether or not we're making the right decision. I've actually started looking into domestic adoption more to become better educated on the process. I have no idea if we're making the right decision, I don't even know if there is a "right decision"; I only know what seems to be "right" for us at this moment. I truly wonder what God has in store for our future...
Wondering and Praying,
*mandie*
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Adoption Apparel - Good or Bad?
The day before our anniversary trip this past weekend, my "Adopting Africa" t-shirt came in the mail! It's super cute, and I just love it! But, it really got me thinking...is it such a good thing to be advertising my adoption? By this, I mean what are people thinking when they read those words across my pink t-shirt?
I stood in line at a local eatery in Nashville, TN with my new shirt on when I noticed a large African American family in front of me (it looked like two sets of parents with children aged 5 or 6 up to perhaps 16). The younger kids were a little fussy; so, one of the mothers sat on a bench near us with them. At one point, I caught her eying my shirt with a quizzical brow; and suddenly, my pride in wearing it fell away...I started thinking, "What is she thinking?"
What are people thinking? Do they think I'm pretentious? Just another yuppie, white woman doing a "trendy" international adoption like some celebrity starlet who doesn't really seem to care or know about world events or issues?
Do they think I'm doing a good thing? Do they think I'm "saving" some sick, defenseless, poverty-stricken child - that I'm a "good Samaritan"? Do they admire me?
All of this worries me. Whether kind and empathetic or skeptical and disapproving, an outsider's opinion of what my husband and I are doing is probably completely inaccurate.
We're not "saviors" relieving a child from "darkness" and "doom" (although, yes, at times the environment that the child comes from may not be the best the world has to offer). We're also not adopting to bring attention to ourselves or to follow in Angelina Jolie, Madonna, or Katherine Heigl's footsteps. We want a family, and we want to include an adopted child in that family, because we believe that's what God wants for us - end of story.
There is also the opinion that mothers of adopted children shouldn't readily or overtly "tell" their adopted child's "story" (how they were adopted and from where and why and when, etc.). It is the common belief in adoption circles that this will be the child's information to share or not in the future.
So, by wearing a t-shirt practically exclaiming the fact that we're adopting from Africa, am I giving away too much? Am I somehow betraying my future child's story? Am I doing something wrong?
On one hand, I get angry and answer my own question: NO! Why is wrong for an adopted mother to be excited and tell her child's story? When a biological mother shares how her child was born in a birth story or tells a passing stranger a little about him or her when in passing they stop to "ooh" and "aww" over them, is that somehow "too much"? Why is different for an adopted child? Why aren't the same standards held for biological parent/child relationship?
This child will be MY child; so, why do I have to treat our relationship so differently? Wouldn't all of these "rules" for adoptive parents just cause more issues with the adopted parent/child relationship? Why can't I just treat my adopted child like my child and not worry about the fact that she'll look different (because, honestly, that will be the only indicator that she's not biologically mine)?
When a woman is pregnant, she can wear a big, bold shirt declaring that she is "cooking something" or "she's with cutie (arrow pointing to big belly)" or just regular maternity clothes; but the reaction from the public is not usually one of questioning or disapproval. It wouldn't be the norm to have a stranger look this woman up and down with a skeptical eye thinking, "Why is she pregnant?" Nobody asks what her motivation is or whether she's trying to keep up with her friends or save a marriage or something else equally ridiculous or hurtful. But there, wearing my adoption t-shirt, being analyzed (whether ruefully or not) by a stranger, I suddenly felt as if I needed to defend myself. And I hated that feeling.
I let those feelings swelter in me when later it happened, a lady asked me what my shirt meant. I got to explain what my husband and I were doing, tell her where I ordered the shirt, and most importantly, I got to talk about the severe need for food, supplies, medical support and more in Ethiopia and all across Africa. She was not offended. She did not attack my motivation. She was congenial and interested and in the end even thanked me for reminding her of how lucky we are here in America.
Relief.
I realized in that moment, that our adoption will be our adoption. We will raise our child(ren) to look beyond the colors of our skin to only see love and family and togetherness. If I want to talk about my child (where she's from, when we brought her home, where she's ethnically from, etc.), I'll talk about it; if I don't, I won't. She will be my child; so, it will be my prerogative. Moreover, if people want to be ignorant or angry or offended, they will always be so. No amount of information will likely change their minds.
And, I need to remember that not every person I encounter is going to be skeptical or judgmental about adoption. Many people are merely interested. I can't always be on the defensive; because when I am like that, I am more likely to push people away, when I need to be open and inviting so that I can spread the correct information about adoption and adoption issues to those who are genuinely curious.
So, it's not the last of my baby pink "Adopting Africa" t-shirt! Next time I wear it, I'll make sure to stand a little taller! :)
Love...so much love,
*mandie*
I stood in line at a local eatery in Nashville, TN with my new shirt on when I noticed a large African American family in front of me (it looked like two sets of parents with children aged 5 or 6 up to perhaps 16). The younger kids were a little fussy; so, one of the mothers sat on a bench near us with them. At one point, I caught her eying my shirt with a quizzical brow; and suddenly, my pride in wearing it fell away...I started thinking, "What is she thinking?"
What are people thinking? Do they think I'm pretentious? Just another yuppie, white woman doing a "trendy" international adoption like some celebrity starlet who doesn't really seem to care or know about world events or issues?
Do they think I'm doing a good thing? Do they think I'm "saving" some sick, defenseless, poverty-stricken child - that I'm a "good Samaritan"? Do they admire me?
All of this worries me. Whether kind and empathetic or skeptical and disapproving, an outsider's opinion of what my husband and I are doing is probably completely inaccurate.
We're not "saviors" relieving a child from "darkness" and "doom" (although, yes, at times the environment that the child comes from may not be the best the world has to offer). We're also not adopting to bring attention to ourselves or to follow in Angelina Jolie, Madonna, or Katherine Heigl's footsteps. We want a family, and we want to include an adopted child in that family, because we believe that's what God wants for us - end of story.
There is also the opinion that mothers of adopted children shouldn't readily or overtly "tell" their adopted child's "story" (how they were adopted and from where and why and when, etc.). It is the common belief in adoption circles that this will be the child's information to share or not in the future.
So, by wearing a t-shirt practically exclaiming the fact that we're adopting from Africa, am I giving away too much? Am I somehow betraying my future child's story? Am I doing something wrong?
On one hand, I get angry and answer my own question: NO! Why is wrong for an adopted mother to be excited and tell her child's story? When a biological mother shares how her child was born in a birth story or tells a passing stranger a little about him or her when in passing they stop to "ooh" and "aww" over them, is that somehow "too much"? Why is different for an adopted child? Why aren't the same standards held for biological parent/child relationship?
This child will be MY child; so, why do I have to treat our relationship so differently? Wouldn't all of these "rules" for adoptive parents just cause more issues with the adopted parent/child relationship? Why can't I just treat my adopted child like my child and not worry about the fact that she'll look different (because, honestly, that will be the only indicator that she's not biologically mine)?
When a woman is pregnant, she can wear a big, bold shirt declaring that she is "cooking something" or "she's with cutie (arrow pointing to big belly)" or just regular maternity clothes; but the reaction from the public is not usually one of questioning or disapproval. It wouldn't be the norm to have a stranger look this woman up and down with a skeptical eye thinking, "Why is she pregnant?" Nobody asks what her motivation is or whether she's trying to keep up with her friends or save a marriage or something else equally ridiculous or hurtful. But there, wearing my adoption t-shirt, being analyzed (whether ruefully or not) by a stranger, I suddenly felt as if I needed to defend myself. And I hated that feeling.
I let those feelings swelter in me when later it happened, a lady asked me what my shirt meant. I got to explain what my husband and I were doing, tell her where I ordered the shirt, and most importantly, I got to talk about the severe need for food, supplies, medical support and more in Ethiopia and all across Africa. She was not offended. She did not attack my motivation. She was congenial and interested and in the end even thanked me for reminding her of how lucky we are here in America.
Relief.
I realized in that moment, that our adoption will be our adoption. We will raise our child(ren) to look beyond the colors of our skin to only see love and family and togetherness. If I want to talk about my child (where she's from, when we brought her home, where she's ethnically from, etc.), I'll talk about it; if I don't, I won't. She will be my child; so, it will be my prerogative. Moreover, if people want to be ignorant or angry or offended, they will always be so. No amount of information will likely change their minds.
And, I need to remember that not every person I encounter is going to be skeptical or judgmental about adoption. Many people are merely interested. I can't always be on the defensive; because when I am like that, I am more likely to push people away, when I need to be open and inviting so that I can spread the correct information about adoption and adoption issues to those who are genuinely curious.
So, it's not the last of my baby pink "Adopting Africa" t-shirt! Next time I wear it, I'll make sure to stand a little taller! :)
Love...so much love,
*mandie*
My super cute African adoption t-shirt! To get one of your own, click the "Adopting Africa" button here on the right-hand side of my blog!
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Happy Happy Time!
Since we're going to be leaving in a couple of days, I thought I'd go ahead and blog about this...our anniversary! Sunday will officially be one year. One small year. One small, full, lovely, wonderful, perfect year of wedded bliss! This is an important milestone in our marriage; but it's also important, because it makes us officially eligible to adopt from Ethiopia (one year of marriage is the minimum)! So, super exciting!
I am so blessed to have had this man in my life for over 3 years! I know what my life was like before him, and I would never want to go back to a world without him! When I called out for God to answer my prayers for a soul-mate and best friend, he answered them ten-fold! I have the perfect person for me in my life until the day we die; what more could I ask for?
He's so wonderful and kind and selfless with me and just about everyone he meets, I know he's going to be such a fantastic father one day soon!
I was trying to remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling a year ago today, but it was all so fast and crazy (it was our wedding and my mother was violently ill fighting endometrial cancer) that I only remember bits and pieces. All I know is that we had the most beautiful autumn day bestowed upon us! It was bright and sunny, even a little warm (which was a surprise since it was Iowa in October!); but the whole day was absolutely perfect to us!
To my darling husband (Mr. C), I look forward to years and years of happiness shared with you! I cannot believe we've journeyed through one year already; time with you is so wonderful, time seems to fly! There will never be enough time with you! My heart is complete, because of your heart! Me loves you so, so much forever and always!
I'm going to leave you all with some of my favorite pictures from our wedding!
Blessings and So Much Love,
*mandie*
I am so blessed to have had this man in my life for over 3 years! I know what my life was like before him, and I would never want to go back to a world without him! When I called out for God to answer my prayers for a soul-mate and best friend, he answered them ten-fold! I have the perfect person for me in my life until the day we die; what more could I ask for?
He's so wonderful and kind and selfless with me and just about everyone he meets, I know he's going to be such a fantastic father one day soon!
I was trying to remember exactly what I was thinking and feeling a year ago today, but it was all so fast and crazy (it was our wedding and my mother was violently ill fighting endometrial cancer) that I only remember bits and pieces. All I know is that we had the most beautiful autumn day bestowed upon us! It was bright and sunny, even a little warm (which was a surprise since it was Iowa in October!); but the whole day was absolutely perfect to us!
To my darling husband (Mr. C), I look forward to years and years of happiness shared with you! I cannot believe we've journeyed through one year already; time with you is so wonderful, time seems to fly! There will never be enough time with you! My heart is complete, because of your heart! Me loves you so, so much forever and always!
I'm going to leave you all with some of my favorite pictures from our wedding!
Blessings and So Much Love,
*mandie*
Mr. C checkin' himself in the mirror before the ceremony! Soo handsome! :)
Mommy and me! She was such a trooper even though she felt so poorly that day (we found out she had endometrial cancer the very next week)!
Walking to our ceremony! You can really see my red shoes here!
On the theatre stage saying the last of our vows...almost man and wife!
First kiss as Mr. and Mrs. C!!!
Dancing the night and our lives away! My dream come true!
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Contemplating a Montessori Nursery
When I was in college, I used to drive down this quaint, little street on my way to the whole foods grocery store. In that cute neighborhood, I noticed a brown building surrounded by beautiful flowers with a fenced-in backyard that looked just like a cottage out of a storybook. The sign outside read "Montessori Day and Pre-School"; and at the time I thought, "What's that?"
I started doing my research and discovered that "Montessori" is the surname of Italian teacher and child development psychologist, Maria Montessori. Her name is famous world-wide for her innovative teaching techniques that are based on the concept of "following the child". In that, the phrase means to literally cater to the child's mind as it grows and expands developmentally and physically.
Montessori schools allow children a wide variety of freedoms while also requiring quite a bit of responsibility. To me, it's sort of the opposite of "tradition" in America (in schools and households, for the most part). Traditionally, (and this could all be only my opinion) children would be given strict guidelines and rules to follow, then they would be taught to stay within those confines on penalty of punishment. In Montessori, the goal would be that the child would naturally develop the ability to see what restrictions to put on themselves through creative problem-solving and reaching out and interacting independently in their environment.
As someone who was raised in a strict household and attended an equally rule-based private school most of my younger life, these concepts can seem almost shocking to me at times; however, I am still very much interested in sending our future child/children to a Montessori school. I can see both sides of the story, so to speak, and I am leaning more and more towards Montessori.
The best thing is that we even have the option! Dear Hubby and I had already decided to send Baby C. to one of 6 elementary schools within the Catholic school district in a close-by town, only to learn that at least one of them is completely Montessori-based! This was really exciting to us; which prompted the next question, "Should we make her bedroom 'Montessori' as well?"
Yes, you can use the Montessori concepts to arrange and decorate your baby/toddler's nursery! So, do I want to try this at home? Some of the concepts have me squirming (like babies sleeping on the floor on a very thin mattress! What about bugs?!); while many of the others sound amazing!
There are tons of resources out there online and in the library for the parent who is interested in learning how to create a Montessori room for their child, but here are some of the basic concepts that every Montessori room should be based upon:
1. Create a Soft Color Palate: the idea here is that bright, primary colors (including stark blacks and whites) are sensory overload to an infant/toddler. One should keep the room full of soft, inviting pastels or warm neutrals that make the baby feel at ease and free of stress.
2. Subtle Fabrics: fabrics used should match the over-all color scheme of the room to teach the child symmetry (keep the curtains and bedding matching, for example). Texturally, they should be soft and comfortable to the child's touch.
3. Simple Furniture: all furniture should be beautiful yet functional. It's even better if the child him/herself can use the furniture without significant help from an adult (ideally, without any help at all). Over-crowding a room with useless pieces should be avoided at all costs! The whole concept should be that every piece functions together, and every piece matters!
4. Sparse Wall Treatments: anything placed on the wall should be important and purposeful (nice posters of animals or alphabets, or framed works of art, some made by the child?, etc.) and the walls should be kept minimal and uncluttered. Artwork and mirrors (parents are highly encouraged to place mirrors in the child's room so they can watch themselves move physically, whether it be merely learning to roll over and crawl or learning to dance to a rhythm) should be placed at the child's eye-level.
5. Lots of Organization: again, the idea is to create independence, self-awareness, and a sense of responsibility in a tiny person; so, to encourage the child to put his/her toys away by him/herself at a very early age, the tools all need to be in the right p;lace! So, shelving and boxes and trays should be plentiful and should be located close to the ground; so, they are easily within reach of the child.
I especially love the idea of there being lots of "stations" in the child's room for different activities. For example, there should always be a small table and chair set with art supplies nearby for the child to create on and with. It would also be good to have an area for them to work with musical instruments and another for books and a nice fluffy pillow to curl up on.
I've seen some really good examples of Montessori baby and toddler rooms, but I recently found some pictures of one that belongs to a little boy named Vincent. I found these pictures of Ohdeedoh.com. I thought this pictures did a really good job of showing what I am trying to explain.
I started doing my research and discovered that "Montessori" is the surname of Italian teacher and child development psychologist, Maria Montessori. Her name is famous world-wide for her innovative teaching techniques that are based on the concept of "following the child". In that, the phrase means to literally cater to the child's mind as it grows and expands developmentally and physically.
Montessori schools allow children a wide variety of freedoms while also requiring quite a bit of responsibility. To me, it's sort of the opposite of "tradition" in America (in schools and households, for the most part). Traditionally, (and this could all be only my opinion) children would be given strict guidelines and rules to follow, then they would be taught to stay within those confines on penalty of punishment. In Montessori, the goal would be that the child would naturally develop the ability to see what restrictions to put on themselves through creative problem-solving and reaching out and interacting independently in their environment.
As someone who was raised in a strict household and attended an equally rule-based private school most of my younger life, these concepts can seem almost shocking to me at times; however, I am still very much interested in sending our future child/children to a Montessori school. I can see both sides of the story, so to speak, and I am leaning more and more towards Montessori.
The best thing is that we even have the option! Dear Hubby and I had already decided to send Baby C. to one of 6 elementary schools within the Catholic school district in a close-by town, only to learn that at least one of them is completely Montessori-based! This was really exciting to us; which prompted the next question, "Should we make her bedroom 'Montessori' as well?"
Yes, you can use the Montessori concepts to arrange and decorate your baby/toddler's nursery! So, do I want to try this at home? Some of the concepts have me squirming (like babies sleeping on the floor on a very thin mattress! What about bugs?!); while many of the others sound amazing!
There are tons of resources out there online and in the library for the parent who is interested in learning how to create a Montessori room for their child, but here are some of the basic concepts that every Montessori room should be based upon:
1. Create a Soft Color Palate: the idea here is that bright, primary colors (including stark blacks and whites) are sensory overload to an infant/toddler. One should keep the room full of soft, inviting pastels or warm neutrals that make the baby feel at ease and free of stress.
2. Subtle Fabrics: fabrics used should match the over-all color scheme of the room to teach the child symmetry (keep the curtains and bedding matching, for example). Texturally, they should be soft and comfortable to the child's touch.
3. Simple Furniture: all furniture should be beautiful yet functional. It's even better if the child him/herself can use the furniture without significant help from an adult (ideally, without any help at all). Over-crowding a room with useless pieces should be avoided at all costs! The whole concept should be that every piece functions together, and every piece matters!
4. Sparse Wall Treatments: anything placed on the wall should be important and purposeful (nice posters of animals or alphabets, or framed works of art, some made by the child?, etc.) and the walls should be kept minimal and uncluttered. Artwork and mirrors (parents are highly encouraged to place mirrors in the child's room so they can watch themselves move physically, whether it be merely learning to roll over and crawl or learning to dance to a rhythm) should be placed at the child's eye-level.
5. Lots of Organization: again, the idea is to create independence, self-awareness, and a sense of responsibility in a tiny person; so, to encourage the child to put his/her toys away by him/herself at a very early age, the tools all need to be in the right p;lace! So, shelving and boxes and trays should be plentiful and should be located close to the ground; so, they are easily within reach of the child.
I especially love the idea of there being lots of "stations" in the child's room for different activities. For example, there should always be a small table and chair set with art supplies nearby for the child to create on and with. It would also be good to have an area for them to work with musical instruments and another for books and a nice fluffy pillow to curl up on.
I've seen some really good examples of Montessori baby and toddler rooms, but I recently found some pictures of one that belongs to a little boy named Vincent. I found these pictures of Ohdeedoh.com. I thought this pictures did a really good job of showing what I am trying to explain.
Here you can see Vincent's sleeping mat. This is the main thing that I guess "freaks" me out about Montessori rooms, the fact that the child sleeps on the floor; however, my Dear Husband seems completely NOT bothered by this. So, maybe I could get used to this with a little more encouragement from him???
A broader view of the room. You can see the tiny table/chair setup and the small shelves set up; so Vincent can put his own supplies and toys away.
A "floor" or "childlike" view of some of the shorter shelves that help Vincent keep his room clean. I also LOVE the fluffy rug! It looks so inviting and comfy; I bet any child would have a blast just rolling around on it, especially a baby just learning to roll over and crawl!
A bird's eye view of those same shelves from the picture above. You can really get a good look at some of the artwork on the wall now.
More shelving (and a mirror!) by the work table/chairs.
A short, fun rack of hooks; so, toddler learns to put things away but is entertained as well!
Another wide-view of the room...the more I see it, the more I love it!
So, do I have to guts to commit to this style of nursery? I think I do! Even DH is excited about this style of room; which, in turn, makes me feel even more confident! I'd love to do whatever necessary to give Baby C. a good opportunity in life; and I'm beginning to think that a Montessori room and early education might be a good place to start!
Toys are a big part of the Montessori teaching method as well. There are sooo many stores that carry the "learning" toys that are encouraged. Here are some wooden toys by Pink House Handworks that I found on another blog that looked super cute!
You can check out all of the Montessori toys Pink House makes on their Etsy store here:
Another aspect of the Montessori room that seemed to be stressed over and again, was that of creating responsibility in the child - making them aware of their surroundings and what is "best" and "right". So, for example, teach them that cleaning up their toys or putting their clothes away will make their room easier to live in and therefore more enjoyable for playing. I was thinking of ways to make cleaning up and putting clothes away "fun" when I found the site www.straightlinedesigns.com. These people are so inventive and just plain cool! The cabinets are AMAZING! I would love to get Baby C. the "Beaver" or "Carrot" or "Mrs. Pearson" (heck, ANY of them would be wonderful!) for her room one day!
Well, I've definitely got a lot to consider and think about when it comes to whether or not I'm going to jump in and make Baby C.'s room a true Montessori space; but I feel much more confident that if DH and I decide to go this route that we'll be on the right track to doing a bang-up job of it!
If you're interested in more information on Maria Montessori or her teaching methods, you can visit Wikipedia's excellent articles on her here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maria_Montessori and here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montessori_method. You can also go straight to the Montessori method website here: http://www.montessori.edu/index.html where they also have a way to locate a Montessori school near you!
Blessings and Love,
*mandie*
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Adoption IS My First Choice, Thank You!
When my husband and I decided (waaaaay back when we were dating) that we really, truly did and were going to adopt one day soon, I began looking around for blogs and books and articles - anything! - that was written about adoption, especially those that were written by adoptive parents of adoptees themselves. I've found some simply amazing books and articles; and, overall, I've found many of the insights very helpful and genuinely interesting.
Yesterday, at Barnes and Noble (www.barnesandnoble.com), I was in the "adoption" section, as usual, when I found Labor of the Heart by Kathleen L. Whitten, Ph.D. While I've only just begun reading her book, I feel that Dr. Whitten is assuming that adoptive parents are in a similar situation as herself - choosing adoption after a long, emotionally-painful struggle with infertility. She is constantly referring to the need to work through the "anger" and "pain" and "disappointment" (even with God, if you are religious) that comes with being forced to turn to adoption in order to become a parent.
While I understand that infertility does force many couples to turn to adoption, Dr. Whitten seems to be completely ignorant to the fact that there are many of us who choose adoption first. It's as though it's hard for her to see anyone's attitude toward adoption as anything outside of her own personal experiences and emotions.
Toward the beginning of the book, she mentions that she thinks that people (like my husband and I) who do choose adoption first, are only able to think thusly, because they/we have personal experience(s) with adoption in our lives. Honestly, I do realize that my mother being adopted has made me more aware of adoption as a whole; however, I cannot say that her experience alone is enough to make me want to adopt. I have been exposed to adoption through a cousin, friends, and more. I suppose there's no way to prove that I would have wanted to adopt without these personal "brushes" with adoption; but I'd like to believe that my heart has always been open to people and things who need homes and love.
As a child, if I found an animal that was hurt or alone on our farm, I would always take it in and try to help it. I was also known as the child who would talk to the children who were left out of "normal" social interaction at preschool and kindergarten because they had this or that ailment, handicap, etc. (My best friend in preschool was a boy who had a cleft lip which horrified the other kids in our classroom.) For this gift of compassion, I thank my parents. They were constantly helping troubled teenagers through an organization called "Youth for Christ" back in the 80's and 90's. There was a sense that one should tend to people with kindness and caring.
I feel it is mainly for these reasons that I feel drawn to adoption as a means to motherhood. I choose adoption, not out of pain and suffering and loss, but out of joy. I choose it first.
This isn't to say that don't want to have biological children one day; but how my children come to me isn't as important to me as the fact that they have come to me. There's much more to come in Dr. Whitten's book; and I don't mean to pick on her, every person's experience is their own. I suppose her telling her own experience has only made me stronger and more attached to my own decisions.
Be Blessed, *mandie*
Yesterday, at Barnes and Noble (www.barnesandnoble.com), I was in the "adoption" section, as usual, when I found Labor of the Heart by Kathleen L. Whitten, Ph.D. While I've only just begun reading her book, I feel that Dr. Whitten is assuming that adoptive parents are in a similar situation as herself - choosing adoption after a long, emotionally-painful struggle with infertility. She is constantly referring to the need to work through the "anger" and "pain" and "disappointment" (even with God, if you are religious) that comes with being forced to turn to adoption in order to become a parent.
While I understand that infertility does force many couples to turn to adoption, Dr. Whitten seems to be completely ignorant to the fact that there are many of us who choose adoption first. It's as though it's hard for her to see anyone's attitude toward adoption as anything outside of her own personal experiences and emotions.
Toward the beginning of the book, she mentions that she thinks that people (like my husband and I) who do choose adoption first, are only able to think thusly, because they/we have personal experience(s) with adoption in our lives. Honestly, I do realize that my mother being adopted has made me more aware of adoption as a whole; however, I cannot say that her experience alone is enough to make me want to adopt. I have been exposed to adoption through a cousin, friends, and more. I suppose there's no way to prove that I would have wanted to adopt without these personal "brushes" with adoption; but I'd like to believe that my heart has always been open to people and things who need homes and love.
As a child, if I found an animal that was hurt or alone on our farm, I would always take it in and try to help it. I was also known as the child who would talk to the children who were left out of "normal" social interaction at preschool and kindergarten because they had this or that ailment, handicap, etc. (My best friend in preschool was a boy who had a cleft lip which horrified the other kids in our classroom.) For this gift of compassion, I thank my parents. They were constantly helping troubled teenagers through an organization called "Youth for Christ" back in the 80's and 90's. There was a sense that one should tend to people with kindness and caring.
I feel it is mainly for these reasons that I feel drawn to adoption as a means to motherhood. I choose adoption, not out of pain and suffering and loss, but out of joy. I choose it first.
This isn't to say that don't want to have biological children one day; but how my children come to me isn't as important to me as the fact that they have come to me. There's much more to come in Dr. Whitten's book; and I don't mean to pick on her, every person's experience is their own. I suppose her telling her own experience has only made me stronger and more attached to my own decisions.
Be Blessed, *mandie*
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